You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
