I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
