escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
