every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
