Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
