Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
