I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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