Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I want a musical about memes.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
