i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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