I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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