Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
