Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I need to calm my uterus...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
