Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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