nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
