we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
