dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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