got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
