haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
