that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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