There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
