I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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