you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I need a burrito and a hug.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
