he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
