just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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