dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
