You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
