ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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