He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
