Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
