That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
