omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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