I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
