Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Even my vagina gasped.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
