When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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