I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
