hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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