im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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