I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
