My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
