when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
