You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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