My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
