"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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