Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
