I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
