I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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