Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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