he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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