garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
