Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
