so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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