I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
...so i touched it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
