I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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